


kisses are a better fate than wisdom

by cavaleira



Category: Marvel (Movies), Thor (Movies)
Genre: First Time, Hurt/Comfort, Intercrural Sex, M/M, Pre-Thor (Movie), Teen Years
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-02-14
Updated: 2013-02-14
Packaged: 2017-11-29 05:31:55
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,313
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/683401
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cavaleira/pseuds/cavaleira
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It all starts with a simple kiss.</p>
            </blockquote>





	kisses are a better fate than wisdom

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Clarice Chiara Sorcha (claricechiarasorcha)](https://archiveofourown.org/users/claricechiarasorcha/gifts).



> This fic is a birthday gift for claricechiarasorcha. I had intended to write simple smut, but somehow feels got involved (as they always do with this ship, haha) and this story took on a life of it's own. I hope you enjoy it!
> 
> The title comes from the poem "since feeling is first" by ee cummings.

"Run!" Loki hisses at Thor.

Thor and Loki dart out from underneath a table and run out of the banquet hall, hoping that they won't be seen or heard over the din of the celebrations. Loki is 7 and Thor is 9, both too young to formally attend state dinners. But just because they aren't allowed at the banquet doesn't mean they can't sneak in and steal sweets for themselves. Loki clutches his little bindle sack full of treats tighter as they run through the corridors, ducking and hiding when they spot any adult who might turn them in.

Loki cannot do much magic yet, but Mother and Father say that he will be a great sorcerer someday. He wishes he could use magic now, as it surely would help with tonight's bit of mischief. But Loki is still quick and clever. He knows the best hiding places and how to sneak around the citadel without getting caught. Most of the time anyway.

Loki and Thor make it back to their suite without being seen and they collapse onto the floor of the common room, their bright peals of laughter echoing off the walls. Though they both have their own bedrooms that are adjacent to this one, it's not uncommon for them to end up sleeping in the same bed after staying up late playing games and telling stories. 

Mother has told them that they will each have their own set of rooms when they're older, but Loki can't say that he really sees the point of it. Sure Thor can be loud and annoying sometimes and Loki likes having time by himself to read, but he has his own room and his little secret hiding places for that. He doesn't see why he needs his own suite of rooms, because he can't imagine ever wanting to be so far away from Thor.

Both boys lay their sacks on the floor and untie them, laying the fabric flat so that they can see their spoils. All and all they did very well for themselves, each of them managing to nab a nice assortment of little cakes, pastries, and fruit tarts.

"Here," Thor says, placing one of his tarts on Loki square of fabric, "you only got one of these."

"Thank you, brother," Loki says and then he picks up the tart and puts the entire thing in his mouth. Thor laughs delightedly and then eats one of his own. Loki finishes his tart, savoring the lingering flavor. These are Loki's favorites anyway, but they seem to taste even sweeter tonight with the knowledge that they were acquired through devious means.

Thor polishes off his own tart and then he sighs happily. "Truly Loki, this was one of your best ideas."

Loki shrugs, but he feels a flush of pleasure at Thor's approval. Loki figured that at this point in the dinner, the adults' minds would be too addled with wine to notice the princes and he's happy to have been proven right.

Loki eats one of his little cakes and Thor eats a cream-filled pastry. When Thor finishes, he smiles at Loki with such a bright look of unfettered happiness on his face. But before Loki can smile back, Thor leans forward and presses a chaste kiss right against Loki's lips. Loki breathes in sharply and feels a sense of pleasant surprise settle over him. Thor smiles again and then he bites into another pastry and the moment is gone.

Loki forgets about the kiss for awhile, until it happens again when Loki finally learns to conjure a small flame in his hand. And then again a couple months later when they stole some of the fireworks intended for a summer festival, laughing gleefully as they ran to a grassy field and set them off. They had gotten into a lot of trouble for that, but Loki barely remembers it at all. What he does remember is the quick kiss Thor pressed to Loki's lips as bright red and gold sparks danced through the sky.

***

  


Thor kisses Loki 2 more times that year, 5 times the following year, and then 4 times the year after that. Loki doesn't know why he cares so much, why he bothers keeping count. Thor is often so physical and effusive with his affections, all firm pats on the back and casual arms slung over Loki's shoulder. But for some reason the kisses are different. And though Loki would never say so, he treasures each one.

***

  


The year Thor turns 12 he only kisses Loki once, and after he does it his expression looks strange. Scared almost.

No matter how many fun pranks they pull together or clever spells Loki learns, Thor doesn't kiss him. He still seems happy and proud of Loki, just slightly distant in way he wasn't before.

Loki wonders why things have changed and if he did something wrong to cause it. Loki feels stung by Thor's rejection and he feels the urge to ask Thor why. But instead he keeps his hurt to himself and buries it deep down inside like the seeds of bitter fruit.

***

  


The years pass and although the princes still spend much of their time together, they start to grow in different directions. Thor spends more time with his friends and in his training to be a warrior. Loki joins them sometimes, but he spends more of his energy reading and learning magic. Loki learns other things too, things that he doesn't think Thor ever will. Loki learns about jealousy, envy, and how to live with the pervasive sense of abandonment that has taken root in his chest. Loki learns how to be alone.

When Loki is 13 and Thor is 15, Loki starts to notice things that he never did before. He notices the growing muscles of Thor's arms, the strength of his body. He notices just how golden Thor's hair is and just how magnetic his smiles are.

And when Loki finds himself unable to tear his eyes away from the way Thor glistens with sweat when he's in the sparring ring, he thinks he's beginning to understand why Thor doesn't kiss him anymore.

***

  


"You kissed Sif," Loki says. It's a bright summer day and he and Thor have spent the afternoon swimming at a little creek out in the forest that they discovered when they were younger. Now they're both sprawled flat on their backs on top of a blanket in nothing but their smallclothes, letting the sun dry their bare skin.

"I..." Thor stammers and Loki laughs because even though he's not looking at Thor, he can already imagine the blush on Thor's cheeks. He laughs because it's far easier than wondering what makes Sif so worthy and Loki so lacking.

Loki's rolls over onto his side and Thor follows suit so that they can look at each other. Thor is 17 now and his sun-kissed skin looks even more glorious than ever. Most of the little freckles across the bridge of Thor's nose have faded as he's aged, but Loki can still see them in the sunlight sometimes and it makes him long for the simplicity of days gone past.

Thor joins in Loki's laughter. His initial surprise and slight embarrassment have faded and now he gazes at Loki conspiratorially.

"Aye, I did," Thor says, in a way that's just short of boastful. Loki smiles at Thor but on the inside it feels like he has ice in his veins.

"I saw you, by the stables," Loki says.

Thor's eyes narrow. "Were you spying?"

Loki rolls his eyes. "Of course not, you dolt. I was on my way to get a mount. It's not my fault that you and Sif chose such a public place."

"I'm sorry I insulted you," Thor says, and no matter how arrogant he may be sometimes, he still has the decency to look chagrined now.

"Forget it," Loki says. They lay there for a few moments and all is silent except for the gentle roll of water and the sound of distant birdsong.

"What was it like?" Loki asks, because he always seeks out more knowledge even when the answers he searches for would be better off unknown.

"It was nice," Thor says. When he smiles brightly in that way that makes his eyes crinkle in the corners, Loki feels his heart breaking just a little bit more.

"Nice?" Loki says, as he laughs it off and shakes his head at Thor. "Surely you have a larger vocabulary than that, Thor. I know you did not always pay the closest attention during our lessons, but Mother and Father would be most shamed if they could hear you now."

Thor chuckles. "It's hard to describe such a thing, and I am no poet. And why do you ask me this, Loki? Haven't you ever kissed a maiden before?"

Loki tries to school his features but he can't keep his cheeks from going red.

Thor laughs, but it's not unkind. "Don't worry, brother," Thor says, "your time will come." He sounds so sincere that Loki can't even find the will to be angry with him.

"If you say so," Loki scowls. Thor chuckles and then reaches out and affectionately pats Loki on the shoulder.

"And what of you and Sif?" Loki asks after a few moments, because he just can't let it go. "Do you intend to kiss her again?" And then finally Loki asks the question that has been plaguing him since he saw Sif and Thor together those few days ago. "Do you plan to make her your intended?"

Thor's face falls a little. "No. No, I don't think so."

"Is there... is there someone else you're interested in?" Loki asks, managing to keep his voice steady even though his heart is racing.

"I..." Thor starts, and then he stares off into the distance. "Perhaps. But it matters not, for it could never be."

It's too much to hope that Thor is speaking of him, that he harbors the same feelings that Loki does. But at least Loki can feel satisfied in knowing that Sif does not hold his brother's heart. He stares at Thor for a long moment and then he gets an idea. A dangerous idea, but one that Loki feels is worth the risk.

"Would you show me?"

"Show you what?" Thor asks, a puzzled expression on his face.

"How to kiss, you idiot," Loki says. He sits up and he glares at Thor as if he thinks Thor is being deliberately obtuse. In truth, it's just an air Loki puts on to disguise his own nervousness.

Thor sits up too and fixes his gaze on Loki. Thor's face is usually an open book, but in this moment Loki finds it hard to read his brother and he doesn't like it one bit.

"I don't think that's a good idea, Loki," Thor says finally.

"I am only asking for your help, Thor. Would you rather I make a fool of myself when my first time comes?"

"Of course not," Thor says with a frustrated sigh.

"Then what's the harm in it?"

"We're brothers, Loki."

"And? We have always taught each other things. Less than a fortnight ago you taught me some of your new swordplay techniques. So why can you not instruct me in this?"

Thor opens his mouth to speak and Loki braces himself internally for rejection, but none comes.

Thor sighs. "Come here then."

Loki keeps his face blank as he scoots closer although inside he feels like he's bursting with both joy and anxiety. Loki brings his face close to Thor's and Thor looks as nervous as Loki feels.

"Well?" Loki says. "Come now, great teacher, show me what you have learned." The tension breaks as Thor laughs softly, the exhale of his breath warm against Loki's skin.

Thor takes Loki's chin in his hand, tilts his head up, and then presses their lips together. Loki shivers pleasantly at the sensation, the way Thor's lips feel soft and perfect against his. It's just gentle little closed-mouth kisses at first, and then Thor's slips his tongue inside Loki's mouth. Loki freezes for a brief moment and then he's kissing Thor back, wet and messy. 

Loki feels his pulse racing as they kiss, and the sound of blood pounding in his ears. He's sure he's being sloppy and that he's probably terrible at this, but he can't stop and Thor doesn't seem to mind. Loki forces himself to calm down and he starts to pay more attention and follow Thor's movements. They break for air briefly and when Thor kisses him again, it's even better this time. The smooth glide of lips and tongue, the feel of Thor's hand in his hair. Loki never imagined he could have this at all, and he knows that he will treasure this kiss more than any of Thor's other kisses combined.

Thor tugs Loki's lower lip in his teeth and Loki gasps. He can feel Thor's smile against his lips and it only makes him want Thor even more. They keep kissing, wild with it now and when Loki reaches up to run his fingers through Thor's damp hair, Thor lets out a low moan that startles them both. Loki tries to hold on to Thor but Thor pulls away as if Loki has wounded him. Despite his the agitation on his face, Thor still looks so beautiful now, hair gleaming in the sunlight and lips red and swollen from Loki's kisses.

"I think... I think I have taught you enough," Thor says, and then he turns away and pulls on his tunic and breeches. Loki pulls his on as well even though his limbs feel heavy, as if the hurt has settled into his bones. He wonders if it's worse now, to know how it feels to kiss Thor while also knowing that it will never happen again. Like so many things in Loki's life, it's both a gift and a curse.

The sun sets as they finish packing up and then mount their horses. They ride back to the citadel, shrouded in darkness and painful silence.

***

  


Their relationship suffers for awhile after the kissing lesson, but it soon goes back to normal because Thor never clings to regrets and Loki is very skilled at pretending that he doesn't have them at all.

When Loki is 17 and Thor is 19 they go on a hunting trip together. It's nothing out of the ordinary, something they have done many times before. But on the third day, everything goes terribly wrong.

They stop at a watering hole to let the horses drink. They remove their packs from the horses backs, relieving the animals of their burdens and letting them rest. It's then that there's a rustle of movement in the trees that puts both Thor and Loki on their guards. Loki's eyes narrow as he looks around, trying to figure out where they noise came from.

"Who's there? Show yourself!" Thor calls out authoritatively. Loki groans internally because he would have liked to approach this with a bit more subtlety, but that has never been Thor's strength. A group of men slowly move forward, 5 of them all with weapons drawn. Loki curses under his breath as the horses dart off through the forest, thoroughly spooked now. The men wear brown leather breeches and simple tunics, but it's the little rune stitched on the shoulder area there that gives them away. It's an old rune, one that was used to symbolize Vanaheim many years ago. Though the war between the Aesir and the Vanir is long past, there have always been small factions of Vanir who remain bitter about the war and never supported peace with Asgard. 

"How fortunate," a dark-haired man says, clearly the leader, "to find the princes of Asgard out traveling alone."

"How unfortunate," Loki says disdainfully, "to have such a lovely day ruined by making the acquaintance of one so... uncouth."

"He must be the one they call Silvertongue then," another man says, as they all glare at Loki. Loki quickly glances over at Thor, their eyes meeting in silent communication. Thor smiles brashly and Loki rolls his eyes, but he feels the same confidence that Thor shows. There are 5 men to fight, but Loki and Thor are a formidable team. 

"State your business. What quarrel do you have with us?" Thor says as he glares at the leader.

"It's nothing personal," the man says with a shrug, "merely an accident of your birth. Destroying Odin's line will aid us in breaking all ties between the Aesir and the Vanir, and at last restore Vanaheim to her former glory."

"You're mad," Loki spits out. "The war ended long ago and all are satisfied with the peace that was reached. _You_ are the only fools who insist otherwise."

" _They_ are the fools," the dark-haired man says angrily, "but we will show them the light. You will not leave here alive today, Odinsons."

"Then you leave us no choice," Thor says as he draws his sword and Loki draws his daggers. Thor yells out a battle cry and then the fight begins. Loki feels the adrenaline coursing through his veins and for a moment he understands why Thor finds so much thrill and glory in battle. They work perfectly in tandem, Thor's brute strength and Loki's speed and stealth already proving too much for their attackers. Thor lunges with his sword, running one of the men through and leaving him in a pool of blood at Thor's feet. Loki ducks behind a tree and casts a shade of himself in front of one of the assassins, making it easy for him to sneak up from behind and slit the man's throat.

Thor turns to parry an attack, but one of their attackers slices a cut across Thor's upper arm with his sword. Thor looks down at the cut and laughs.

"Is this the best you can do? You will need to do far better than this if you wish to defeat Thor Odinson."

"Oh, I think not," the man says. Thor starts to respond, but instead he starts shaking and convulsing. Thor's face goes pale and ashen and he falls to the forest floor.

"Loki," Thor chokes out.

"Thor!" Loki yells desperately, running over to where Thor lies fallen. He looks down at Thor's wound and the skin there looks red and raw and is beginning to blister. Thor starts shaking again and though he still seems somewhat aware of his surroundings, he looks to be drifting in and out of consciousness. Thor cannot die, not now, not like this. ( _Not ever_ , a primal part of Loki whispers). Because as much as Loki may resent him sometimes, he loves Thor above all others and the thought of life without Thor fills him with a terrible despair.

"What did you do to him?" Loki demands. Loki grips one of his daggers tightly in one hand and glares at the ring leader.

"Your brother is strong, but that poison will kill even him," the leader says, glaring back at Loki coldly. One of the assassins makes a move toward Loki, but Loki lets out an angry cry and launches a throwing knife at the man, hitting him square in the chest. The man's body crumples as he falls down dead. Loki throws another knife but he's too upset to focus and it misses its target. There are still 2 of them left and Loki doesn't know how he'll beat them, only that he must. There is no other option. He also can't leave Thor there unprotected, but having to stand there while the men close in on him is less than ideal. Loki's fighting style is all about speed, stealth and misdirection, and this position doesn't lend itself to that at all.

"He'll be dead soon, Odinson," the leader says, "and then we'll finish you off as well."

The thought of Thor's death, stirs up a darkness inside Loki unlike anything he's felt before. He feels overcome by the cold burn of rage in his chest. The cold settles into his bones and then he feels the sense of a strange, unfamiliar magic. Loki's magic is usually so careful and controlled, but right now he doesn't truly understand what he's doing. He's operating on pure instinct, the instinct to protect Thor and to destroy any who would harm them.

Loki feels immense power rising up inside him, and then his mind seems to drift off elsewhere. Loki can hear the sound of screaming. He can smell the clean, cold scent of winter but it all seems so far away. He hears the crackle of ice forming and then the shattering of a million pieces that skitter across the forest floor like sinister music. When he finally comes back to himself, their attackers are gone, now nothing but tiny shards of ice on the ground.

"Thor!" Loki cries out, turning around and dropping down to his knees beside his brother. Thor looks deathly pale and though he is unconscious, he's still breathing. Loki feels himself panicking, wondering how much longer Thor has before he dies and what Loki can do to save him. Loki doesn't specialize in healing magic, but he hopes that he remembers enough to save Thor now. He places one hand on Thor's wound, and the other over Thor's heart. He taps into his seidr and he can sense the poison in Thor's blood, eating away at him. 

Loki had thought he might not have enough energy to heal Thor after what he did to the assassins, but oddly enough he feels relatively fine. The ice magic seemed almost like it tapped into a different part of him entirely, but there's no time to dwell on it now. Loki closes his eyes and focuses, using his magic to systematically seek out and destroy the poison. Several minutes go by and when he opens his eyes again, Thor is looking up at him. His skin is still pale, but his eyes look lucid and Loki finally allows himself to breathe a sigh of relief. Loki cradles Thor's head in his lap carefully and leans his head down so that he can look at Thor more closely.

"Loki. Brother, you saved me," Thor says with a weak smile.

"Anyone would have done the same," Loki says with a shrug, trying to deflect from the intense emotions inside him.

"You should not devalue your efforts, brother," Thor says. "I've never seen you like that before. You were... you were _amazing_."

Thor looks up at Loki and even with his unnaturally pale skin, his expression seems to glow brightly with simple love, pride and affection. And then Thor strains upwards and does something he hasn't done in years: he kisses Loki.

Loki feels like a dam has broken within him and he leans down and kisses Thor back. Loki has dreamed of these lips against his ever since that day at the creek, and it's even better than he remembers. They kiss with abandon, both flush with the adrenaline of nearly being killed. But as good as it is, and as shaky as Loki still feels over the fact that he nearly lost Thor, he knows that this can't be real. 

"No. You're only doing this because you're injured." Loki says after pulling his lips away from Thor's. "When you feel better you'll realize that this isn't what you want."

"No, I won't," Thor says defiantly. His body may be weakened, but his stubbornness is well intact.

"Sure you will," Loki says, bitterly remembering their conversation the day Thor taught him to kiss. "What of your fair maiden, the one you love but can never be with?"

Thor shakes his head, and looks at Loki like _he's_ the one being dense this time. "There is no maiden," Thor says. "It's you, Loki. It's _always_ been you."

"But..." Loki starts, but he finds that his silver tongue has failed him for the moment. Loki feels like he's at a loss, he doesn't how to respond to Thor's confession. But every fiber of his being is telling him to kiss Thor again so that's what he does. He strokes Thor's hair softly as they kiss, the fear of Thor dying fading more and more with every press of lips.

Loki pulls away for air and gazes into Thor's eyes. "Is that why you stopped? Kissing me, I mean."

Thor nods, understanding Loki's meaning. "At first, I did not understand," Thor says softly. "But then we grew older and I... I have tried, but no one compares to you. I cannot stay silent anymore. I could have died today, and you never would have known my heart."

Loki feels his heart pounding with a strange mixture of emotions, a blinding bright happiness but also a sharp sense of hurt. His hurt wins out for the moment and he glares down at Thor. "And so you let me pine for you for years? You let me think I was alone in this? You should have told me, Thor."

Thor swallows hard. "I did not think it wise," Thor says, and Loki knows that he's right. They are brothers and there's no way around that. And though Loki prides himself on being intelligent and logical, as he leans down and kisses Thor again, he understands that none of that matters. All that matters now is that he wants Thor and Thor wants him, and if Thor is willing to walk this path beside him, then Loki is willing to take the risk. They kiss slowly and though Loki feels like he could do this all day, he pulls away. After all, Thor is still injured and he needs Loki's care.

"Loki-"

"I... not now, Thor. We need to get you somewhere safe." Thor sighs unhappily, but he doesn't say anything else. Loki darts over to grab one of their bags from over by the watering hole and brings it back to where Thor lays. He cleans Thor's wound with water from a canteen and then places a poultice and a bandage on it. They are not often injured on their journeys, but Loki always brings these things just in case.

"Can you walk?" Loki asks.

Thor nods. "Yes, but I will need your help."

Loki slings the bag over his shoulder and then helps Thor to his feet. He wraps an arm around Thor as they begin walking, helping to support Thor's weight as they stumble forward together. Loki doesn't know where the horses got off to, but he'll worry about them later. 

The sun sets as they wander for awhile and Loki breathes in a sigh of relief when they find a small cave to shelter them for the night. Loki is exhausted, but he uses his last bit of magical energy to conceal the cave from outsiders in case more assassins come. Loki drops his bag to the ground and then helps Thor get down, propping him up against the cave wall. 

"Wait here, I'll be right back," Loki says, and then he exits the cave, returning a few minutes later with a small bundle of whatever sticks and twigs he could find to start a fire with. 

"Are you alright?" Loki asks as he glances worriedly at Thor.

"I'll be fine, Loki," he says, "I just need to rest."

Loki nods and then goes about making a small fire. He rifles through the bag and pulls out some food for Thor to eat. It's just a simple meal of bread, dried meat, and water, but it seems to help the color return to Thor's cheeks. Loki pulls Thor's cloak from the bag, lays it down near the fire, and then helps guide Thor to lie down there on his good side. Loki then moves back to the other side of the cave where he left the bag. He sits down and pulls out some food for himself.

Thor lays there, watching Loki eat from across the fire. Loki wipes his hands on his tunic after he finishes eating, unsure of what to do next. He remembers what Thor said earlier, but he still can't quite believe it. He still can't let go of his hesitance and his fear that this is all just some cruel joke. But Thor isn't like Loki. He always dives forward headfirst if there's something he wants.

"Loki, come here."

"You should rest, Thor," Loki says.

"I would rest easier with you near." 

Loki rolls his eyes, but he goes over to Thor all the same. He lays down beside Thor and they stare at each other in the firelight, so much still left unsaid between them.

Thor offers Loki a tired smile, and Loki reaches out to smooth Thor's hair back. He isn't usually so outwardly affectionate, but he's still shaken by the fight earlier and the fear of almost losing Thor. Thor leans into the touch and Loki leaves his hand there tangled in Thor's hair because he needs to feel Thor moving, needs to feel him breathing. 

Loki presses his lips softly to Thor's and feels a thrill of pleasure when Thor returns the kiss. Thor kisses him harder, sighing with satisfaction as he slips his tongue into Loki's mouth. Loki relishes every slide of lips and tongue, even loving the rough stubble from the beard that Thor insists on trying to grow. Loki runs his fingers through Thor's hair and then he bites Thor's lower lip, the way that Thor did when he taught Loki how to kiss. It feels so right, tucked away here with Thor and giving in to the feelings that have plagued them both since before they even had a name for them.

They are not so much breaking the rules now as they are obliterating them entirely, shattering them into a million pieces like the assassins Loki killed earlier that day. All the other mischief Loki has gotten up to in his life feels petty in comparison. And though it terrifies him, he cannot help but revel in its power. 

Thor scoots closer to Loki until their bodies are pressed flush against each other. Loki shudders at the feel of Thor's body heat and the hot press of Thor's hard cock against his own.

"Thor," Loki says, "you're still injured."

"I'm fine," Thor says in a determined voice. "I want you."

Even though Thor confessed his feelings to Loki earlier, that does nothing to lessen the hot rush of desire that runs up and down Loki's spine at his words. Loki wonders if he'll feel this way every time Thor makes his feelings known so intently. Thor kisses Loki again, long and slow. It feels incredible, but Loki wants more. He wants to feel Thor's skin against his, wants to hear the way Thor sounds right before he comes. Loki breaks their kiss and places a firm hand on Thor's chest when he tries to capture Loki's lips again. 

"Why did you stop?"

"I want to see you. I want to touch you," Loki says, hating the way his arousal makes his tongue clumsy, makes his words too plain and honest. But it's forgotten for the moment when Thor smiles at him and nods. Loki helps Thor to sit up and Thor winces a little as he moves his arm to help Loki take his tunic off.

"No, don't stop," Thor says when Loki hesitates.

"You promise to tell me if I hurt you, right?"

"You won't hurt me," Thor says and Loki lets out a put upon sigh because Thor has not really answered his question. Thor has always been too brash, rushing into things without thinking them through. But Loki has always been the voice of reason by Thor's side, the one watching his back in case he gets in over his head. Honestly, he shouldn't be surprised to see it carry over into this new territory. 

Loki helps Thor lay on his back and when he stares down at Thor's muscular bare chest, he feels himself start to get nervous. If the stories are to be believed, Thor has already had many lovers. But Loki's past sexual experiences have been limited and have been more about the pursuit of knowledge than pleasure. He has lain with one of the serving girls and engaged in some fumbling in the dark with one of the young warriors. In both of those encounters, he felt an almost clinical sense of detachment. But here with Thor... it feels _real_ and Loki doesn't quite know what to do. He feels an intense hatred and jealousy for all those who Thor took to bed before him, both that they have had Thor and that Loki doesn't know how he can hope to surpass them.

But Loki doesn't want to dwell on that, not now when he has Thor half-naked before him. Loki scoots back and starts to tug Thor's boots off. The first one goes quite easily, but the second one refuses to budge. Loki puts more effort into it, but this time it gives easily and he ends up falling back onto his ass hard. Thor laughs and Loki finds himself joining in, feeling relieved as their laughter alleviates some of the tension within him. Loki gets back up onto his knees so that he can pull off Thor's breeches and smallclothes until Thor is completely, gloriously naked. His skin is almost back to its normal color now, a golden glow in the warm firelight. His cock is hard and flushed red, the irrefutable evidence of his desire. 

They stare at each other for a long moment before Thor speaks. "Please Loki, take your clothes off too. I want to see you."

"I... very well then," Loki says as he stands up and takes off his tunic. He tosses it to the ground and then focuses on taking off his boots, looking anywhere but at Thor. It isn't that Loki is ashamed of his body per se. The problem is that for better or worse, Thor is the embodiment of everything an Asgardian man should be and Loki is just... Loki.

Loki takes care with his appearance and he's aware that some may find him attractive. But as with everything else in their lives, whatever beauty Loki possesses pales in comparison to Thor's. Loki has his own strengths, but he will never have the warrior's build that Thor does. His eyes will never flash that perfect shade of blue and his skin will never glow tan and golden. As Loki strips he feels more clumsy and inelegant than he has in years, but when he finally looks down at his brother, he sees that Thor is watching him appreciatively. 

"I've dreamed of you like this for so long," Thor says.

"Have you?" Loki says, and though he meant it as a joke, the question comes out a lot more seriously than he intended.

"Yes," Thor says simply as he looks up at Loki with open, honest desire. It's then that Loki really understands the look on Thor's face: he's looking at Loki the way that Loki looks at Thor when no one is watching.

"But I'm not-" Loki starts, but then he thinks better of it.

"You're everything," Thor says. Though Loki shakes his head at Thor's saccharine words, he would be lying if he said they had no effect on him.

Loki doesn't hesitate anymore. He gets down on his knees and straddles Thor, letting out a sharp moan at the feel of Thor's cock against his. Thor gasps as Loki rocks his hips slowly and then carefully starts exploring Thor everywhere. He presses languid touches and fleeting kisses to Thor neck, his shoulders, his nipples. Thor moans and sighs as Loki works him over, reaching out with his good arm to touch Loki anywhere he can reach. Loki scoots back so that he can kiss his way down Thor's chest. 

When Loki gets to Thor's cock he licks a stripe up it's length, making Thor throw his head back and moan. Loki then takes Thor's cock in his hand, the mixture of precome and saliva making him slick and easy to stroke. Loki likes the way Thor feels so hot and heavy in his hand. He feels a rush of both pleasure and power when he watches Thor writhing underneath him, steadily moaning and saying Loki's name. Loki can't help thinking of how gorgeous Thor would look if Loki's kept touching him just like this until Thor came all over himself. But Loki also doesn't want this to end, not yet, and so he pulls his hand away.

"Don't tease me," Thor complains and Loki laughs at him. "So this is how you treat an injured man?"

"Weren't you the one just telling me that you're fine?" Loki asks, smirking down at Thor.

"I suppose I am at your mercy then," Thor says, and the dark look in his eyes makes Loki's breath hitch.

Loki is running his fingers up and down Thor's muscular thighs when an idea comes to mind. While he has never truly been to war before, he has heard stories of what the warriors get up to in the camps when there are no women in sight. Loki runs his hands over Thor's thighs again, letting his fingertips dip into the space between them as he imagines how incredible it would be to push his cock there. 

"I know that look, brother," Thor says, smiling up at Loki. 

"What look?" Loki asks with mock innocence.

"You have an idea, one that will very likely get me into trouble," Thor says, conveniently ignoring the fact that _everything_ they've been doing tonight could get them into a world of trouble. "Tell me what it is. I wouldn't deny you."

Loki smirks at Thor. "You'll see."

Loki gets up and brings the bag with their things over to where Thor is laying. Thor rolls back onto his side so he can watch Loki curiously. Loki reaches inside, until he finds the jar full of the oil that Thor uses to clean his leather. With the oil in hand, he gets down and situates himself so that he's laying behind Thor.

"Loki?"

"No. No, not that," Loki says. As much as he would love to fuck Thor, they're both much too tired for it now. "Lift up your leg."

Thor does as Loki asks without complaint, pushing his leg back and letting it rest over Loki's. He's always so stupidly trusting, but Loki wouldn't change him for anything.

Loki picks up the oil and drizzles it on his fingers. Then he presses his hand right in the space between Thor's thighs, making Thor tense up for a moment before he relaxes again. Loki spreads more oil around, making Thor moan when he reaches forward further to rub some of it on Thor's balls. Loki uses a bit more oil and spreads it on his own cock, careful not to stroke himself too much. He feels like he's been on the brink of orgasm ever since he saw Thor spread out and naked for him. The last thing he wants to do is ruin it all by coming too soon.

Loki takes a deep breath and then pushes his dick in between Thor's thighs. Loki pushes Thor's leg back down and shudders as he feels the heat enveloping his cock. He settles a hand on Thor's hip and starts stroking the skin there, more to calm himself than to steady Thor.

"Oh," Loki breathes out as he thrusts once experimentally. He moans softly as he thrusts again, starting to work up a rhythm because it just feels so good. It's so hot and tight, and Thor's powerful thighs feel incredible clenched around Loki's cock. With every thrust, Loki's cock brushes against Thor's balls, making him shudder and push back against Loki for more.

Loki kisses the back of Thor's neck and then he wraps an arm around Thor's chest, holding him closer so that he can really thrust in earnest. The cave is filled with the sound of their moans and the smell of fire, sweat, and the sweet aroma of the oil.

"Loki, _please_ ," Thor chokes out and it makes Loki feel both incredibly aroused and incredibly powerful to hear Thor beg for his touch. Loki reaches down and grips Thor's dick firmly in his hand. His fingers are still slick with oil so it makes it easy to stroke Thor fast and hard, in time with Loki's thrusts. They both moan deep and low as Loki fucks into the tight tunnel between Thor's thighs with reckless abandon. 

" _Thor_ ," Loki moans as his thrusts become more ragged and uncontrolled, the sound of his thighs slapping against Thor's ass echoing through the cave. Thor turns his head back enough to give Loki a filthy kiss and then Loki is moaning into Thor's mouth as he comes. Loki can't stop the stuttering movements of his hips as he spends, the mixture of the oil and his come making Thor's thighs even more of a mess than they already were. Loki slides his cock out from between Thor's legs, the tight heat now too sensitive for him to bear. When Loki's orgasm finally subsides, he realizes his hand is still loosely wrapped around Thor's cock and that Thor is fucking into Loki's fist, trying to get more friction. Loki strokes him hard a few times and then Thor is calling Loki's name, shuddering and shaking as his orgasm is wrenched from him. Loki moans when he feels the splash of Thor's come on his fingers, marking Loki as he just marked Thor.

Loki lets go of Thor's cock and places his hand on Thor's chest, smearing come into his skin while Thor laughs breathlessly. Loki presses a finger in between Thor's thighs, feeling the slickness there. As much as Loki would love to leave Thor a sticky, dripping mess, Thor is still injured and waking up covered in dried come probably wouldn't be pleasant for him.

Loki reaches out, grasping blindly until he finds his discarded tunic and uses it to wipe them off. Loki didn't manage to grab one of the bags with a blanket in it when they fled from the scene of the attack earlier, but it doesn't really matter. Loki has never really been bothered by the cold and Thor is warmer than any blanket could ever be. 

Thor sighs contentedly as Loki wraps an arm around him. He rests his chin on Thor's shoulder and breathes him in. As they lay together, Loki's mind races on. They've passed the point of no return, but now that everything is out in the open, Loki doesn't know what to say. He doesn't know where to go from here. Several minutes pass as he mulls things over, until he finally breaks the silence.

"Thor," Loki says quietly, but there's no response. 

"Thor," Loki says again, but he realizes that while he was busy searching for the right words to say, Thor's body has relaxed and his breathing has slowed to an even, steady pace. Thor is asleep because _of course_ he is. Loki sighs and leans over Thor, looking down at his sleeping face in the weak light from the dying embers of the fire. He looks so calm and peaceful and Loki can't help but wonder what he's dreaming about, if he's even dreaming of anything at all.

Loki lays back down behind Thor, wrapping an arm firmly around his waist. Before Loki falls asleep he places a firm kiss to the back of Thor's neck, content with the knowledge that Thor is safe and whole and _his_. 


End file.
